Open-mindedness (warning: long post)

I've been thinking about this quite a lot, mainly because of my brother's blog that I've been reading.  And, based on his blog from yesterday, he has obviously been thinking about it a lot too.  Really, it's a theme that's been coming up a lot lately in my life, and I've been having serious, in-depth conversations about it with various people.   I almost didn't write this blog simply because David had said a lot already, but I think I'll say it anyway.  I have different readers than he does.


I've been on this earth, in this lifetime, for 34 years.  I am old enough to know this:  I am still very young.  I don't know it all.  Nor will I ever know it all.  Once you know it all, what's the point in living?  There's no more learning to do.  No matter what my belief system is, or how I feel about things... that doesn't make me any better than anyone.  And that, right there, is so very important. 

When I was in my late teens/early twenties... I thought I knew everything.  I was very staunch on my views, and I would not waiver.  As a woman, I was very pro-woman's rights.  If anyone did anything that I perceived to be against women, I made lots of noise about it.  For anyone to insinuate that I was weaker than a man, or that maybe a boy could do something I couldn't, would just eat at me.  Heaven forbid anyone EVER suggest that I would be taking care of my husband and kids without working myself.  I was NOT going to fill that stereotypical role of suppression. 

I was also very anti-military.  Any person involved in such a profession was prejudice and hateful.  I believed whole-heartedly that it was a cut and dry issue.  All we had to do was put down the weapons and stop perpetuating this idea of hate.  Anyone who wanted to promote the idea of war had no values. 

As a white person, I believed that I owed the Native Americans and African Americans something for the things white people of the past had done to them.  Mainly I thought this would show that I'm not one of THOSE white people; I was showing the world how UN-prejudice I was.  Fighting the good fight. 

I supported gay rights so much that I got offended for them if there was anything that I thought may be conceived as gay bashing.  Again, proving that I was open-minded. 

I looked at Christianity as a lump-sum of people who have oppressed others throughout history.  I had seen so many people do horrible things in the name of God, and I didn't want to be like that.  As a pagan, so many Christians had their own ideas as to what my religion was about and had judged me to be a baby-killing, spell-casting, animal sacrificer to the devil that I worship.  (For those of you who DON'T KNOW what I believe, please just ask me.)  The term "christian" became tainted. 

I was so open minded that I scoffed at those who weren't.  I judged them by saying that they were too closed off.  They weren't free.  They were thinking inside a box that, if they would just step outside of it, they would be as enlightened as me.  It was my duty to help them understand.... to show them what they were missing. 

Who the hell did I think I was?  What I wasn't seeing was the fact that I was being INCREDIBLY closed-minded.  I was extremely judgemental.  I lived in a very idealistic manner without really understanding the ins and outs of this world.  I was under some horrible illusion that my outlook on life was the right one.  I, myself, was putting people in boxes as being "right" or "wrong".  And, in doing so, I put myself in my own box.  I was "Sandy, the liberal".  "Sandy the anti-military person".  "Sandy the Woman".  "Sandy the Pagan." For a while I was "Sandy the vegetarian".  I defined myself by my arguments. 

Now things have changed.  I still am very supportive of gay rights, and I still support African-American and Native American rights.  But I'm just not as vocal about it.  Not because I don't believe firmly that these people definitely have the right to enjoy every single thing that white heterosexual people enjoy, but because I want to smile and laugh in my life, instead of scream and shout.  Does that make me bad?  I find that when I scream and shout, I tend to shut my eyes and ears to everything else.    Anyone who knows me should know quite well that I don't judge based on race, creed, political view, gender...  whatever.  Well, not anymore.  I believe that Christians are just like any other religion:  they have their extreme few who spoil it for the rest.  Just like pagans, or Muslims, or white people...  I'm not responsible for history, and I don't subscribe to the thoughts and ideals of prejudice people in the past.  Do I have to prove it every day to every one?  I find it much better for me to spend my energy on things that are productive... 

I met, fell in love with, and married a military man.  If you had told me that when I was younger, I would have laughed in your face.  There was no WAY that would happen.  We do still cancel each other out on a lot of things (he's republican, I'm democrat... and neither of those is likely to change anytime soon).  But being  a part of the military life has given me a different perspective on the way our government works, and why people do the things they do.  Mikey has shown me a different side to the arguments I had.  There was no way I would have seen them without listening to what he had to say.  There are certainly MANY things that our government has done lately that I disagree with.  But I do have a respect for the military, those that are enlisted in it, and the families that are associated with it.  If you are willing to die for the ideal that our country was created for:  freedom (although I know that it's by FAR not  a perfect society, and much of it needs to be tweaked and improved)....  If you are willing to die to protect your family, if you are willing to die to protect other's rights to say you are a horrible person for doing so...  know this:  I will respect you.  There are so many other people who would not be willing to give their lives for others or a higher ideal.  So, to those of you that do, I will also thank you.  Thank you for keeping me safe to the best of your ability. 

I am currently a stay-at-home mom, and with that comes me being a housewife.  It's my job.  It's what I do.  And I hope that I'm actually becoming good at my job.  I enjoy it.  Again, it's something I would never have thought I would say in a million years.  I don't see myself as "suppressed".  I see myself as being lucky enough to be able to not work.  I bring my kids up in the best way that I know how.    And since I don't have a "job", and Mikey leaves every day to work his ass off, so that he can keep us comfortable in our surroundings,  the least I can do is keep our house clean, and get him some good food to come home to.  I mean, that just makes sense. 

I really do think the key to life and "issues" is that everyone is doing the best they know how to do. When I became a parent, I became aware of a whole other list of arguments. To vaccinate or not to vaccinate. Breastfeed or no? Attachment parenting or no?  Some of you might be surprised on my stance on it all.  It's very easy (especially in the world of moms) to decide that the other person is wrong.  Before passing judgement on someone about how they live, and why it's not like your life...  spend some time with them.  Live with them for a bit.  Heck, pick up a book and read about them, if that can work.  Ask them to explain why they feel they way they do, without (and this is key) trying to cut them off and impose your values.  You really need to LISTEN.  Show them that you're listening.  Tell them what you heard them say, just to make sure you heard it right, and to show them that what they said matters.  So many people in this world don't do any active listening.  They simply prepare their argument in their head while the other person is talking.  I've done it, and I try my best not to anymore.  It's disrespectful.  Even if you leave and you still may not agree with them, maybe you will be able to understand them a bit better.  Wouldn't you want them to do the same for you?


So yes, I'm 34 years old, and I know that I am doing my best.  Today, I'm just Sandy... and I'm happy with that.  I think that life is not so cut and dry.  The lines get blurry in many places, and each person is trying to navigate through to the best of their ability.  You may not agree with me, and I may not agree with you....  but hopefully we can respect each other and learn from each other.  Take the chance to extend your hand to someone who is extremely different from you.  You might be surprised at what you find in the person standing across from you.