The Phoenix

*Before reading this, please read my previous post, as it directly pertains to this one...*  Okay, now that you've done that...  (you have done that, haven't you?)

It's always a lot to pack up the kids, the dogs, all the stuff that belongs to all of us, and to go to the mountains. But it's always worth it. And this weekend was certainly no exception. We went for a specific purpose this weekend... to celebrate our holiday, Samhain.

A Disclaimer for Posts to Come

I have thought long and hard about what it is that I want to write about in regards to my past weekend.  It was very special to me, and because of that I want to share it with the few people who actually read this.  Mainly I know that what I have to say will be welcomed...  but there is always the possibility someone out there will react the way people always do at some point.  I want to say a bit about my spiritual place in the world because it's, obviously, important to me.  It has great value to me.  In order for people to know me in my entirety, they have to know my core being, my central beliefs.

"Whatever activity you do, do it slowly. Do not rush to end it. Be relaxed in everything and bring your full attention to it." I don't know who wrote this, but I think about this a LOT while I'm rushing around.  To experience life, you need to really EXPERIENCE it, not rush through it.

Starting Over Again....

Well, it seems that I fell apart there for a while... and I know EXACTLY when it happened.  It all happened when I found out that Clayton College screwed me out of money and an education.  Everything all of a sudden felt kindof pointless.  And even though I really did try (and thought I was succeeding) to look at it as a new beginning, it really just felt like an ending on something that I didn't want to close. 

Proud

I'm so proud of myself.  I had everything packed for our trip last night. Everything except for the stuff that we need  for today or tomorrow morning. That means that today, instead of running around like a chicken with my head cut off,  I've been focusing on deep cleaning the house.  I've decluttered a LOT of jasmine's room, I've thoroughly cleaned my master bathroom and lilly's bathroom sink areas.  I've put away two loads of laundry, and I'm working on a third.  My master bedroom will be done today, and the entire upstairs area will be vacuumed and the spots on it will be shampooed out.  That should all be done within the next hour.  Then I will watch a show or something to rest for a bit.  Then I'll straighten the downstairs (not too much needs to be done downstairs) and vacuum/shampoo spots down there.  I'm not afraid of overdoing it, because I'll have a mandatory vacation from cleaning my house for the next week!  I'm totally excited about how it will feel to come home to a spotless house.  It would never be able to happen if I hadn't started packing for this trip 2 weeks ago.  I really am proud of myself.  I just had to share that thought.

Socks and Spaghetti Squash

Today is the day I go through the sock drawers in the kids' rooms.  I hate socks.  I do, really.  I hate having to sort through and match socks.  It's just a pain.  It is for that specific reason that I buy the same socks every time I go shopping for myself.  I don't have to worry about a lost one here or a lost one there.  And socks for little kids?  ugggh.  I have yet to be able to keep a pair of socks on Jasmine for more than 10 minutes.  So I stopped trying a long time ago.   Plus, I have to figure out which ones are too small for Jasmine, and I'll have to throw them out.  But to do that, I'll have to put them on her feet to know.  Unfortunately, for the most part, socks are not printed with a size on them.  :(

The other thing of note that I'm doing today (besides getting the massage at 7:00, yay!) is fixing a totally new vegetable for dinner.  I'm going to be cooking a Spaghetti Squash.  I'm totally excited to do this, as well as somewhat terrified it'll turn out badly.  Has anyone ever cooked a spaghetti squash before?  I'm using this recipe tonight.  We'll see how it goes.  I'm not even going to tell Mikey what it is or he won't eat it.  I'll let him know AFTER the meal.  In any case, I'm making it a goal of mine to try one new vegetable a week.  This is it for this week.  Oh, and for my brother-in-law (who may or may not be reading this), this recipe is 100% vegan.

Today's outlook.

This post really is being written because I know that one of my friends is trying to get her house in shape as well, and it helps her to read my blog.  This week, as said earlier, is all about the kids' rooms and bathroom.  Today is really simple.  Pick up all obvious trash in the rooms, and clean the kid's toilet...  the inside of the toilet is already clean, because I've gone through the process of thoroughly cleaning it (I found this pumice stone, on a stick, specifically for toilet bowls and porcelain safe that is AWESOME!).  So today what I had to do was just spray down the outside, especially around the back, and wipe it all down.   So, that's the bathroom.  Should take no more than 15 minutes to do.  I did it already when we were in there to brush lilly's teeth.  Next I have to pick up the obvious trash in the girls' rooms.  Easy enough.  I'm also going to take 15 minutes in Jasmine's room to hang up clothes and take out the ones that don't fit her.  That's it, 15 minutes and I'm done, no matter how far I have or haven't gotten. 

So far today, this is what I've done:  made bed, showered, got dressed, brushed teeth, swished toilet and wiped down sinks, emptied trash in bathroom.  Did the same for Lilly and her room/bathroom when she got up.  When Jasmine got up, I started the laundry and then brought the kids downstairs.  Once downstairs, I emptied the trash in the main bathroom.  I'm starting to make my way around to all the hotspots in my DECLUTTERED rooms.  The other rooms will have to wait until they're decluttered as well.  It sounds like a lot to do in a morning, but it's not.  And it's not something that I started doing all it once.  I've slowly added one more thing to my routine so that it's becoming an automatic thing.  I just do a little as I enter a room and it really only has taken me an hour TOPS when combined all together.  The key is to just do what you know you can do in a day, and get used to doing that...  then add new things.  Always get used to doing one or two things before you start trying to add more. 

That's it.  I just wanted to get that said while there's still a lot of daytime left today.  I'll write more later.

Maintaining....

Lately...  I've been maintaining.   I've had a lot going on this week.  Our pool team made it to the city championships.  So, this past Tuesday we had our regular pool night.  Then Wednesday, around 4, I went to Charlotte for the tournament and didn't get home until 2 am.  Of course I had to get up at 6 am with Jasmine.  We lost... which meant Thursday we stayed home.  I have to admit I'm kind of glad we lost Wednesday because if we had come back Thursday I would have lost my mind.  Thursday evening I slept.  Friday I was back up in Charlotte by 5:00 and got home around 1:00am.  Then I had to be back in Charlotte by 8:00 am, and we finally lost around 5:00 that night.  Needless to say I've not paid much attention to my house.  But like I said.... I've been maintaining.

Day 3 of the Fast... and other things.

I know it's a little late, but I might as well say a little something about the 3rd and last day of my fast.  Honestly, it went well.  It wasn't hard on me at all, because I was used to not eating whole food.  I had a good outlook on things, etc.  The acne finally came...  the day after the fast was over...  so I'm not sure if that had to do with the detox as much as it had to do with my cycle... who knows.  The actual "goings on" for day 3 are pretty non-existant.  I ended the day with an oriental chicken salad (I really wasn't going to eat the chicken; THAT was for my mom and mikey, but I let it get the best of me.

So, the POINT of the whole fast was to get me ready for healthier eating.  I plan on having MANY more vegetables in my diet and a LOT less meat...  I want to start shopping locally for any meat that we do eat.  I feel great, and I look good, I think.  I just fit better into my clothes, and I feel better about myself.  For those who are wondering (because I know you're out there), I lost about 4 pounds doing the fast.    I feel like I lost about 10.  I just feel lighter.  My head feels clearer.  I'm happier all the way around. 

I'm currently reading a book called The Garden of Eating: A Produce Dominated Diet and Cookbook by Rachel Albert-Martesz.  And, while looking the name of that book up online, I just realized they have a website as well.  I'm excited to check it out.  I already took a break to start looking over the blog there, and it looks great.  In any case, this book is a "cookbook" of sorts.  It's very large, and it's going to take me a while to read, especially considering the fact that it's getting down to the wire on my classes, and I won't have much time to read ANYTHING but my school books.  When I picked it up, honestly I thought I was going to get "vegetarian, vegetarian, vegetarian" pushed down my throat.  I believe that there is a reason we are meat-eaters...  but that's a discussion for another time.  In any case, I thought I'd just skim through all of that, take it with a grain of salt, and get to the recipes...  because that's what I'm after. Recipes that involve more vegetables.  But, after reading the first 10 pages or so, I realize that's not at all what it is.  This woman supports a meat-eating lifestyle, as long as it's not making up the majority of your diet, and as long as it's from local grass-fed farms.  Makes sense.  I hope to try out her setup eventually.  For now, though, I hope to just use some of her recipes to keep me eating healthier.  Again, my motto has seriously become "one thing at a time". 

That's that in my world of food.  Not much else to say at this moment in that arena. 

Day 2 of the Juice Fast

Before I go into the details of today, let me tell you about the rest of last night.  BY FAR, the hardest thing I did yesterday was take that seaweed bath.  I remembered that it was hard, but forgot how hard.  The thing is, first of all, I don't "soak" in baths well.  Usually I'm in there for no more than 10 minutes, enough to get clean and relax a little bit, and then I'm bored and done.  Add to that the fact that I was in EXTREMELY hot water, which was causing me to sweat like crazy, then the seaweed which is simultaneously detoxing, and replacing minerals in, my body.

Day 1 of the juice fast

Woke up, got outta bed, dragged a comb across my head....  Wait, no... that's a song.

In any case, I woke up this morning and (after getting myself and the kids up, dressed, teeth brushed, etc) went downstairs. I'm starting my juice fast today.  If you read yesterday's blog, you'll see that juice fasting can be very good for detoxifying the body.... as long as you don't do it too often.  The particular one I'm doing is a sugar and fat cleanse.

Juicing

When Mikey and I lived in Texas, we started doing juice fasts pretty regularly (by regularly, I mean one fast with each seasonal change).  Juice fasts clean out your system by detoxifying.  For 3 to 5 days, you rid your body of solid food, allowing it to focus on getting rid of the toxins in your liver, skin, bowels, etc.  If you combine it with dry skin brushing, sweating (as in a sauna), or seaweed baths, you can feel like a new person by the end of it.  It's incredibly invigorating. 

Just Breathe....

"The way we breathe... is often a revealing metaphor for our willingness or ability to experience what is actually going on inside ourselves and to move freely through and within our lives and ourselves." A quote from my current text book "Free Your Breath, Free Your Life" by Dennis Lewis. How true is this?

My School Intertwines With My Life

I know this should happen with everyone... but when I say "life", I really mean my "core self".  When I was in school to be a teacher (yes, I have the degree and everything), I loved it.  I loved what I was learning, but it never applied to "me".  It applied to kids, and how I could help them learn.  And it applied in the future.  But what I learn on a daily basis, affects me directly, and now. 

At The Taylors' For The Weekend

We are currently with our friends, Mandy and Shane, for the weekend.  When we are at their house, or they are at our house, it's pretty hard to be motivated.  It's just understood that it is a time to watch TV and play on the computers.  Yes, computerS.  Each person has their own personal one.  Our boys become engrossed in their games, and Mandy and I are pros at surfing the Internet and acting like we are doing homework.   We really only stop to eat a meal.  Not very "healthy", but it's not like we eat junk food either.  It's just a very "sedentary" weekend.  On the one hand, it's great because I literally CAN'T stress about the house.  It's a mandatory break.  This weekend I think Mandy and I are both of the mind to get out and do something.  Lilly and I did make it out today for ice cream.  I made the mistake of getting myself a chocolate sugar cone.  I don't think it would have been a bad thing, except I didn't account for the fact that I had to eat half of Lilly's due to the fact that it was melting everywhere. 

This leads me to the subject of the belly that I've been talking about.  If you've been following either one of my blogs, you'll know that my current course of study is focusing on the belly.  I've been trying to practice the techniques given in the book.  The first one, after learning how to breathe into your belly instead of your lungs, is basically taking two fingers and going around the rim of the belly button.  You're supposed to just massage in circles, without actually moving your finger.  Feel what lies under the skin.  Is it lumpy?  Hard?  Does it hurt or cause you to feel nausea?  I have to say that I am really surprised at what I have found.  I've found knots, little pea size areas.  I've found places that hurt as well as nausea.  But what I've mostly been surprised about is the feeling of frustration that comes out at this time.  I have a lot of built up unrest.  I'm glad that I'm becoming aware of it, and surprised it has been so easily identifiable... after being told HOW to identify it. 

That's all for today, folks.  I'm just going to continue doing what I'm doing....  and enjoy my memorial day weekend.  I hope you all do too.

It's Okay To Not Do Anything....

Once in a while, at least.  That was my lesson for yesterday.  I still did most of my morning routine.  get up get dressed, brush teeth, make bed...  I wiped down the sinks and swished out the toilet on the upstairs bathrooms, but didn't make it to do the downstairs one.  I didn't unload the dishwasher, so the dishes piled up somewhat.  I didn't do the weeding like I was supposed to and I didn't do anything else for that matter.  I was tired and my body hurt all over, and I didn't want to do anything.

Procrastination...

I've always known that I am truly a PRO at procrastination.  I always have been.  I work well with deadlines.  I do tend to stress out when they get so close, but somehow I always get it done.  Deadlines motivate me.  Is that sad?  Shouldn't I be able to be motivated without deadlines?

Maybe that has been part of the problem with my house.  The only deadlines I ever had were when people would come over.  Then the flight of the bumblebee would occur.  But things always fell apart after company left the house. 

I want self-motivation, in all aspects of my life.  The house is starting to turn into that, finally.  I find that I LIKE cleaning.  It helps me clear my head.   Gosh, just the fact that I enjoy spending time in my bedroom now is AMAZING! 

Anyway, now I need to be self-motivated in school.  I am taking two classes for this 16 week session, nd I'm only halfway through one class at the beginning of week 8.  Gotta get better at that.  So, I have picked up my blog on school again.  I figure that this blog has helped me stay on top of my house... maybe that blog will help me stay on top of my schoolwork.  I hope so anyway. 

In other news, today I vacuumed my entire upstairs.  I also want to shampoo our master bedroom carpet.  It might take tomorrow as well.. as I'm just going to do the shampooing in 20 minute increments so that I don't get tired of shampooing and stop altogether.  Things are still coming together!  Each day looks better and better!

The Weekend is Family Time

I've always been pretty good about making sure that on the weekends, I spend it with family... specifically, Mikey.  But it's rare that we actually go out and do something.  This weekend it has been all about us. 

Open-mindedness (warning: long post)

I've been thinking about this quite a lot, mainly because of my brother's blog that I've been reading.  And, based on his blog from yesterday, he has obviously been thinking about it a lot too.  Really, it's a theme that's been coming up a lot lately in my life, and I've been having serious, in-depth conversations about it with various people.   I almost didn't write this blog simply because David had said a lot already, but I think I'll say it anyway.  I have different readers than he does.

A Clean Bedroom Is A Breath Of Fresh Air...

Well, I slacked off on what Flylady has set as the duty of the week.  But i haven't slacked off in my cleaning.  This week is supposed to be the guest bedroom and bathroom.  But there isn't much to do there except dust.  So I did that, as well as put the rugs from both of the bathrooms upstairs in the washing machine.  So, with not much else to do there, I started in on our bedroom.

Can I Erase Yesterday? And This Morning, For That Matter....

Stressful...  I guess that's the right word.  Yesterday I was driving the girls to their babysitter so we could go play pool.  I was turning right at a light.  The lady in front of me turned, I looked left to make sure no one was coming, started going and then BAM!  The lady in front of me had gotten cut off by a guy either coming out or going into the gas station on the immediate right (I'm not sure, it all was sort of fuzzy).  Well, she stopped in time, but I didn't.  Lilly and Jasmine started screaming because they were scared, and my car started steaming and making a pretty bad sound.  Crap. 

Notes on the walls...

Mikey just keeps putting smiles on my face.  The only part of our master bedroom that is even slightly diry lately has been our shower.  Today was the day I was going to clean it.  Well last night when I went to bed I was in the bathroom, getting ready for bed, and I glimpsed at the shower in passing.  What?  was that clean walls I saw?  No WAY!  Sure enough, Mikey had cleaned the shower for me.  I'm sure he knew it was the next thing I was going to do, and he did it anyway.  SERIOUS kudos for this guy. 

So I wrote a note to him on our mirror telling him how much I love him and how much it means to me that he did that.  We used to leave notes on the mirrors with dry erase markers all the time.  I mean like every day.  It was always so heartwarming to wake up to a loving message or come home to just a note that shows you're loved and appreciated.  We've stopped doing it mainly because in the last move I threw out all the dry erase markers and never bought any new ones.  Mikey bought new ones for me a couple of days ago.  I hope the notes start back again!

I woke up with a smile this morning....  I love those days.

Pampering....

The whole idea of pampering oneself has always been a bit foreign to me.  Growing up, I always associated someone who "pampered" themselves with someone who was snobby and thought they were better than everyone else.  I never had any interest in pampering myself.

Thank God For Wonderful Husbands

Literally.  If it weren't for Mikey today, my plight into keeping this house clean would have cracked in its foundation.  It really started last night.  I was so tired and ready to go to bed that I skipped out on running the dishwasher, which meant there were still dishes left in the sink.  Not many, but enough.  This morning I SHOULD have loaded them, washed them, and unloaded them... but I didn't get around to loading and washing them until around 2:00.  By then there were more dishes building.  Once my kitchen gets out of control, my whole outlook on life gets befuddled.  I know this now.  It must be the heart of the house.  My outlook on the day apparently is directly correlated (to a degree) on how nice and neat my kitchen is. 

The Kitchen.... ish...

Yesterday and today have been days that I haven't been at home much.  So yesterday was supposed to be "wipe down your cabinets day"....  you know, get all the drips and fingerprints and oil spots.  I didn't have time to do that yesterday, so I got behind.  Then today was "clean out your fridge" day.  Feeling a little overwhelmed before I get started.  I did do my morning ritual...  sinks and toilets were cleaned, bed was made, laundry started, dishwasher emptied...  all by 8:00.  By 8:30, we were out the door and on our way to the chiropractor.

Water, water, water!

Truly I am amazed at how much thirst I have since consciously starting to drink it.  And I believe that it is the direct cause of my waist getting thinner.  I have no idea how many inches I have dropped... but my hands just fit around my waist much better than they did 2 weeks ago. 

In school we are taught that water is a building block upon which we cannot survive.  It is the means by which things are transported in your body.  The blood is liquid because of the water in it.  Things are transported through cell walls using osmosis... again requiring water.  Our waste system depends on water.  Without it, we have no way to get rid of the toxins in our body, thereby making our bodies extremely toxic.  I have known all of this and more for years, but never could get into the habit of drinking water, even when pregnant.  Well, I guess it's certainly better late than never.

I was proud of myself last night at the bar when we went to shoot pool.  Skipped out on my usual White Russian and got a bottled water instead.  One of my teammates looked at me as if I'd lost my mind.  I just kept thinking, "A White Russian is NOT going to quench my thirst, plus it has a mother load of calories." 

So, I'm proud of myself for making smarter choices and drinking my water.  It's not much, but it's a start.  Next week I'm going to try to get in the habit of doing pushups and situps at night.  We'll see how far I get with that.

When The Garage Gets Organized....

I find myself saying that phrase at LEAST 15 times a day.

When the garage gets organized:
- All the mowers and weed eaters and sawblades, etc will be gone.  (of course we can't do that until the shed is built)
-  My kitchen will be so much closer to the way I want it.  This is because I can put all the fun kitchen tools that are currently in the pantry (the wok, the blender, the quesadilla maker, etc) in the garage in an orderly manner.  Once the pantry is clear I can actually put stuff that belongs in the pantry IN it!  Once that is done, I can stow all of my grains and such that are in rubbermaid containers in a cupboard instead of on the counter....  making the counters MUCH neater!
-I will have MANY more clothes.  This is because they won't be randomly thrown from the car into the garage... and I'll actually know where they are.  And I know I like the clothes, because I have previously worn them and they have ended up in the car.
-I will have my space to put all my potting soil and plant containers. 
- And my brain will feel even less cluttered, and life will be simpler.

Guess I need to keep up on the decluttering of the garage....

The Day After A Trip

I can't ever seem to recover from a trip.  It's always wonderful when the house is already clean when you come home.  It was pretty much in order when I got home yesterday...  Mikey had kept it up for the most part over the weekend.  My biggest problem has always been getting unpacked...  everything put away.  I made sure to have all of our clothes clean and folded in my bag before we left my mom's house.  The intention?  Put it all away when I get home.  There was a load of laundry on the bed already that needed to be put away, and another in the dryer.  By the time I had it all on the bed, including my bag... it just overwhelmed me.  The clothes are still in the bag this morning, and half of the clothes on the bed are still there.  I DO plan on doing the rest today.  If I don't, I'll just fall back into the same ol' pattern.  I've actually gone about a week or two with clothes still in the bag... or, well, half-way.  By then they tend to be strewn over my bedroom floor and I have to re-wash everything.  Not very "green", is it?  So my goal for today is to get that done, and to quickly vacuum the rooms in the house. 

Other than that, this week is "kitchen week".  Today I cleaned my stovetop and microwave.  They're shining.  It feels good.  My kitchen day is done.  I still need to declutter one of our rooms... probably the garage today.  I feel anxiety even thinking of that garage.  But I can toss things for 15 minutes.  And then later I'll put stuff to give away in a box for 15 minutes.  Then I'll be done with the garage for the day.  I'd like to get to my garden... it's become overrun with weeds.  But that really does go against what I've been trying to do:  take one thing at a time.  The weeds will still be there tomorrow, and I won't be exhausted from doing too much in one day. 

In the aspect of me and my soul:  I do seem to feel better every day.  I'm still drinking my water, and starting to enjoy it.  I find that instead of "doing a diet", I'm simply making better choices when presented with the options.  And even if I'm not ACTUALLY losing weight, I still feel better about myself.  I feel that is what matters.  The rest will come as long as I don't force it.

The Wheel or Circle

So on my drive home (yes, i've written these first 4 posts in the same day... I had a lot of time to think), my thoughts continually turned to the imagery of a wheel.  The Gnostic Christians, to teach one aspect of their beliefs, use a circle.  Whether you believe in their teachings or not, I think it makes a good point.  I think maybe it's easier to think of a wheel with spokes instead of a circle, but in any case...  that's all semantics.  At the center of the wheel is the hub, or spirit.  This is who we are...  ourSELVES.  It is the divine within all of us.  The spokes (or radii of the circle, if you will) represent the inner self.. not quite the soul, but not the physical either.   They are the different parts of our soul that we send out to be manifested in the physical realm.  The outside of the wheel, or the circumference of the circle, is what people really see.  It's what goes around.  It is our physical representation of what we are.  When the connections all the way around are in synch with each other and equal, the circle is complete.

Another example of the wheel as a symbol for the person is one I ran into a couple of months ago. I had to do a project for school in which I interviewed someone who was in the field of natural health. I found a naturopathic consultant in Gastonia, NC to interview. He showed me a typical first day with a client, and then showed me the paperwork that he asks his clients to fill out. One of the first pages had a wheel drawn on it. See below:

The client was asked to put a line in each "pie piece" to say how well they are doing in each area.  the inner lines being "not so good" and the outer lines being "great".  Once that it's done, Mr. Chandler explained that, ideally, all of the lines should be on the outside... connected in balance to make a big wheel.  The center, of course, represents yourself, and the outside represents how well your body (and it's physical health) represents you.  When there are breaks in the wheel, we cannot live a whole, complete life.  Thinking about this, it reminded me of the gnostic teachings.   A wheel cannot turn unless it's balanced.

But wait, we're not done there!  After about 30 minutes of my mind wandering yet again, I thought about my own personal wheel.  And that's what made me decide to start this blog.  If I consider myself to be the center of my world, which I should be.... then the space around me (my house... my own physical expression of my soul) should be in order at all times.  If I want ME to be taken care of, I need to make sure that there's no crap to get in the way.  Again, that's why I feel like once the house is clean, the energy and "Feng Shui" moving in a positive way with no stagnant stuff lying around, I personally will have the ability and the natural, uninhibited progression towards a better "me".  A "me" where all the spokes are extended long enough to make a nice balanced circle to connect them all. 

If you notice the several other blogs that I've started, linked to this page, you'll see that (like all my other projects in life) I started them and then quickly stopped.  I've decided to leave instead of delete them because they're a great representation of how disconnected everthing has gotten in my life.  I am expecting that as I go, I'll start to add to those too... as the spokes get longer.  It's not really a goal though... it's just something I think will naturally occur as the process moves on.  For now, though, I'll just stay right here, at the hub in the center... with my house.... soon to really be my "home".

What The Hell Does This Have To Do With Spirituality?

Okay, so I'm sure you're wondering the answer to this question.  I went to my mom's house this weekend for mother's day, and continued my habits while there.  It made me feel really good.  Honestly though, I kept thinking about my house, and the things that I still want to do. 

My brother, David, has just begun a jaunt into veganism.  I say "jaunt" because he wants to do it for three months and write about his experiences, then decide from there what he does and doesn't want to do with it.  You can read his blog here.  Check it out, it's really interesting....  While I've been inspired to clean my house, he and my sister have been inspired to clean out their bodies... in a drastic way.  I've pondered this and realize that, like my house, I could never do this.  If I were to change my eating habits all at once to the extreme, I would never keep up with this.  And this is what I thought about on the 3 hour ride back home today:

All of the things that I want to do with myself, I have tried full steam ahead each time.  THIS diet or THAT diet.  THIS physical exercise.  Joining the triathlon group to get in shape.  Doing yoga to get more flexible.  Going vegetarian to eat healthier.  Going "green".  All of these things start out great, but I get slack pretty soon afterward.  And then it occurred to me:  I don't keep up with these things because sudden changes do NOT work for me.  It has to be a slow and gradual process...  so that I can make it a habit, instead of a job.  AND if I mess up for a day, it's okay.  I don't have to start over or catch up... I just need to continue the next day.

As a wiccan, I believe that the divine is in everything.  And the best way to respect the divine is to  respect yourself, and the world in which you live.  In order to work with the energy of the world (the energy being the divine connection between all of us), I believe in making a sacred space.  A place that is free from debris, both physical and spiritual.  To begin, you physically clear all the clutter from the space you want to work in.  Then you direct your energy to clearing any negative thoughts or intentions from that area.  I've tried to create that space in a room in my house before, and it felt great.  It was a wonderful sanctuary.  But I now realize that I'm creating that space out of my HOME.  Not just a room in my home.  As I clean the physical, the place has such a better feel to it.  And as that happens, I honestly do feel the cobwebs in my brain starting to clear out.  Can it really be as simple as that?  For me, I think so.  While I am starting to take care of my house, I'm automatically motivated to take care of my body.  I'm drinking water (which I HATE, by the way) on a constant basis.  I've always understood the importance of water.  I truly have believed that water can make you lose weight, cleanse you, get rid of headaches, and help you sleep.  I know these theories.  I have studied them in school, as well as the importance of sun, exercise, whole foods, clean air, etc.  And my spiritual side believes that all these need to be in balance in order to seriously be in synch with the divine energy within us all.  Truly, I believe in it.  Does that mean I've practiced it myself?  Absolutely not. 

I noticed today that I actually am starting to like water now.  In just a week and a half.  And I'm noticing my thirst.  Recognizing it.  I used to never feel thirsty.  Now if I haven't had a drink in about 45 minutes, I get thirsty.  And my body is starting to feel great.  And my clothes are starting to get looser.  At the same time, I'm becoming calmer and more in touch with the world around me. 

So, instead of the saying, "you have to start within yourself", my theory is now "you have to clean the space you live in, in order to cleanse yourself".  And that's where I'm beginning.  I have no goals.  No weight loss by THIS date.  No "I'm going to go on this diet".  No "I'm going to do this amount of pushups, or this amount of situps".  I believe that as I get rid of the clutter in my house, so too will I get rid of the clutter in my mind, body and soul. 

And thanks to David, he has inspired me to write about my progress.

Getting the whole house clean

A few days ago I wrote on my facebook status that I can't wait till the day that my entire house is clean... including my garage and computer room.  By that I mean that all the clutter is gone and everthing is tidy and wiped down.  Now, I'm totally aware that our family is going to dirty things up... but if I get those things clean within the day or two that it happens, I still consider that to be clean.  I'm talking about the things that gather in areas... and making sure that floors are vacuumed, swept and mopped, and that counters, sinks, and toilets are nice, clean, and refreshed.  Mainly people scoffed at me.  I'm not sure why.  Maybe they don't have faith that I, personally, can do it?  Which I can't honestly blame them for...  knowing how I've always been.  Maybe they're jealous because they wish their house could be like that, and it makes them feel better to point fingers and laugh when I think I can do it?  Who knows?  The fact of the matter is, surprisingly, that it truly doesn't matter to me.  I am not filled with an inner voice that is saying, "I'll show them".  I'm filled with a voice that says, "it's okay...  it doesn't matter what they think.  I know I can do it."  I've not had that confidence and inner peace about something in a long time....  not since my first years in highschool, I think.  Weird that it was about this, huh? 

So, I've continued to do what I'm doing, and declutter a little bit more each day.  And it's working.  The other day Mikey and I were driving back from shooting pool and he turned to me with a smile and told me he was proud of me.  That right there makes all the difference.  I think that people forget that it's important to let each other know that you DO see the positive things they are trying to do with their lives.  Positive reinforcement is one of the best motivators to keep doing what you're doing.  And the best part was that I didn't prompt him to say it.  Just thinking about it makes me smile.  Mikey, if you're reading this, thank you so much.  I love you....

How it has begun....

So... the day was almost two weeks ago.  April 27th... the day before my birthday.  My house was cluttered, laundry piled up, sinks in the dishes, our "aquarium" room was in complete disorder.  About a year ago our Aquarium had to be drained and we didnt have the money to start it back up again, as it's saltwater and has to be done "right".  So, that room became one of the "catchalls" of our house.  The other two rooms being our computer room upstairs that we never use anymore and our garage.

I guess I should actually go back a little further even.  When spring hit, Mikey and I got serious spring fever... outside.  I planted a vegetable garden including peppers, lettuce, cucumbers, potatoes, onions, cilantro, sage, lavender, thyme, oregano....  I pressure washed and stained our back deck (well, there's still a portion of the railing that needs to be stained)... mikey started working on the lawn, we've spread mulch around to most of the flower bed.  I made a hummingbird garden right outside of our pool.  We also planted grapes, strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, and a peach tree.  Currently, mikey is working on tearing up the concrete on the deep end side of the pool, as the foundation wasn't prepared correctly and the whole spot has been sinking.  He also has begun building a shed, that would have been finished by now, but the HOA in our neighborhood stepped in and stopped the work, due to the fact that we didn't put in an application first to build it.  While waiting for approval, mikey started working on our aquarium and concrete.  Okay, that's all well and good... but the inside of our house?  Terrible, as described earlier.

When I was young, growing up in my mom's house, I honestly never learned how to clean.  And I've paid for it dearly in my life.  You see, my mom is one of the neatest people you will ever come across.  She cleans constantly.  The trouble with that is that it was always easier for her just to clean up my mess, instead of taking the time to teach me how to do it myself.  And it never ever occurred to me how much she did.  The only thing I ever had to do was pick up my room if I was having a friend over.  That's it.  I never did dishes, I never picked up my books or my shoes or did my own laundry.  I never sewed anything or ironed anything.  Let alone do something like clean a bathroom.  It was simpler for her to do it herself.  Which is all well and good, but man... it's been a hard lesson to learn.

I have just turned 34.  And I believe I am starting to get the hang of it... just now.  But my house is cluttered... not badly, I'm not a hoarder...  but I just don't put things away... and I tend to let piles build up.  There are still boxes that I have never opened from our last move in our garag.  As well as things from where I've cleaned out my car and couldn't be bothered to physically take them into the house and put them away.  I could make excuses (I've had two kids in the past 3 years....  that MAY be a valid one) but I won't.  Honestly, I was just frustrated.

I came upon this website while I was pregnant with my first daughter, Lilly.  It is by a woman who calls herself the Flylady, due to the fact that she loves fly fishing.  She has a "how to" website on how to make your house clean and clutter free.  It's a day by day, babystep type of guide.  I signed up for the emails and was overrun by 10-15 emails a day.  Before I could even get started, I was feeling bogged down.  Well, 2 weeks ago I was looking at the dishes in my sink and remembered that her first step was something about cleaning your sink.  So I went back to the flylady website.  My only intention was to make my sink beautiful.  And I did.  And then I found myself wanting my counter to match my sink... and by the end of the night, quite by accident, my kitchen looked really good.  So, I looked at the website again.  There is a 31 day babystep program that she lays out for you.  Each day you start a new habit... or you simply continue doing what you are doing.  The idea is that it takes 30 days to form a new habit.  I decided to try just this routine for a couple of days:  get up, make my bed.  go downstairs, empty the dishwasher.  I put a note in the sink (which I not only keep clean, but dry as soon as I rinse my dishes) that says "put dishes in the dishwasher".  A simple and easy concept to most people, I know....  but keep in mind that these are not habits I formed when younger.  I have since then added to my routine, as well as starting to address problem areas in my house.  My routine is now this:  When I wake up, I make the bed immediately.  I brush my teeth, I swish out my toilet in my master bathroom and wipe down the sinks.  Then I shower and get dressed (if the kids are in some sort of manner that will allow me to do this.  If not, I wait until I have the time).  Next I get lilly up and do the same thing.  I brush her teeth, swish out her toilet and wipe down her sinks.  Then I get her dressed.  I put a load of laundry in the washer and head downstairs.  Once downstairs I unload the dishwasher and swish/wipe down the guest bathroom.  The rest of the day is pretty much free as long as I pick up after myself.  I tackle little things 15-20 minutes at a time, and this way nothing gets to overwhelming.  It's all on the flylady website.  Check it out.  Oh... and I found a little button on there that allows me to get all the emails in one digest... how about that?  no more overloading on emails!

And so it has begun....